We’re Determined but Are We Right? The Criteria for Good Determination
Aesthetic Realism makes eminently clear that there are two different kinds of determination: one that does a man’s life good because it comes from wanting to know the world, be just to people; and another determination based on contempt in which we are relentless in trying to have our own selfish way, and what others deserve from us be damned.
As a child, there were times I had good determination. In school, I was eager to learn, and if there was a subject I found difficult, like chemistry, I kept working at it.
But mostly my determination was of a different kind, and I was intense about it. I was set on being one of the favored children in school, and realized that I had a tremendous built in advantage--my older brother of three years, Fred. He was very lively and definitely a BMOC—big man on campus. “Are you Freddie Weiner’s little brother,” was frequently asked of me by teachers and older students. “Yes,” I eagerly replied, and was often made a lot of. I came to feel this special treatment was my due, and used it to dismiss all the other “ordinary” children.
However, even as I used Fred for self-importance, I also wanted to be superior to him. Having gotten better grades than he did, I rubbed this in as often as possible. But no matter what I did, Fred wasn’t going to be managed by me. That I found easier to do with my twin brother, Paul. In exchange for helping Paul with his homework, or doing his errands for our mother, I expected total submission and when I didn’t get it, I was irate. Once, when Paul refused to go to a party with me, I punched him. He said, “You always have to have your way, don’t you, Steven?”
And there was another big way I was determined. Even though my father worked very hard so that our family could live in an apartment in a nice neighborhood in Brooklyn, I felt humiliated because friends of mine were better off than me, and some of them were moving to large homes in the suburbs. In a class years later, Eli Siegel asked me, “Is there anything greater in you than your desire to be bitter?” I began to see that I had a drive, a determination, to feel the world had hurt me, and therefore I had the right to despise it.
I had no idea that the way I was bent on proving that I was above everyone and everything made for my very low opinion of myself, and feeling that my life really didn’t matter too much.
Through my study of Aesthetic Realism, I have a determination today to be a kinder, deeper person, useful to others, and I’m grateful my education continues. Once in a class, Mr. Siegel encouraged me to look at where I had been unjust to my brother, Fred. I wrote about specific ways I’d been mean, and showed what I wrote to Fred, and he felt I was trying to be honest. I’m very glad to say that with each year there is more friendliness and respect between us.
I. Right and Wrong Determination in a Noted 20th Century Artist
I now discuss some aspects of the life and work of Alberto Giacometti, one of the few artists eminent in three media—drawing: